Never Enough
by jularti
Summary: Meredith has found the love of her life but is determined to let go because their relationship is forbidden. Little does she know that she will be unable to forget and that their love is never enough.
1. Career Paths

I do not own Grey's Anatomy unfortunately

* * *

Meredith Grey woke up a Sunday morning feeling groggy and unfocused. 'One more day' she thought. 'one more day and my summer is over', back to her last year of college. It really wasn't like she did much over the summer anyway. Living with her mother, she had had no romantic relationships, much less sexual, in the two to three months she had been there. Thank goodness for college roommates, who were probably, back at Seattle University unpacking for the upcoming year. God, she missed Izzie and George. Meredith picked up the phone and called her best friend Christina Yang.

"Chris? It's me"

"Mer... it's six a.m. What do you want?"

"You're going back up to Seattle U today right?"

"Yes. Now hang up and call me back when something is dying"

"Fine. I'm leaving at five today. We'll carpool or something!"

"Whatever. Leave me alone"

"You know Christina... you are a pain when you're tired!"

"Well you know what Mer? You're dark and twisty. Goodbye!"

And she hung up. Meredith chuckled to herself. Memories flooded back. She had met Christina her second year at the university, realized they had way too much in common that there was no way in not being friends. Later that year, Meredith had stuck by Christina when her hot shot ex boyfriend Preston Burke broke up with her to be with someone else, and had gotten a job at Seattle Grace Hospital, working with Meredith's mother, the renowned surgeon, Ellis Grey.

Sooner than expected, four pm rolled around. Meredith had already finished packing when she heard the front door open. "Meredith Grey! Come down here this instant!" Oh great... her mother. As she slowly trudged down the stairs, Meredith could see her mother look around disapprovingly of the boxes scattered around the house.

"What is this?" Ellis Grey asked, eyes still skimming the room.

"My stuff I'm moving back into my apartment for college" She replied

"Mmhmm..."

"Look Mom, we can skip this awkward goodbye... whatever. I'll be back in a few months or so."

"Meredith! I did NOT come home from work three hours early to 'skip' this goodbye. And would it really hurt to

come home more often? It is only a half hour drive from your school to home"

"No mother, I like living with my friends, with my own responsibilities. Seriously, I need to go."

"Meredith. You know it's not too late to change your courses. You should be focusing only on the path of medical sciences. Not having elective courses like law and literature. No great surgeon studies medicine reciting Shakespeare"

"No mom, I'm not going to argue with you today. I love literature, and I am still focused. For once, just please let me do what I want."

"Fine" and with that Ellis walked over to Meredith and gave her an awkward hug then went back to the hospital.

Meredith quickly loaded everything into her car, and drove to Christina's just in case her mother decided to do a U-turn, and give her another lecture and career choices.


	2. Lost In Your Eyes

That night, after Meredith had dropped Christina off at her newly rented, Burke free, right next to campus apartment, she headed to her own place. When she got home, the house was oddly quiet, so she assumed Izzie and George had gone out, most likely to Joe's Pub. She unpacked, and after re-organizing everything for about two hours, she couldn't stand the eerie silence. 'Why not make the best of the last day of my summer?' she thought to herself. Meredith went into her closet and grabbed a pair of jeans, a red knit tank, and a crocheted belt, got dressed, and walked out her door.

The night was perfect. A clear sky full of stars twinkling, teasing her eyes. She gazed, entranced by the beauty of it. Suddenly, her cell phone rang. Meredith continued to walk, while digging into her oversized Adrienne Vittadini handbag her mother probably paid a personal shopper to buy for her twenty first birthday. Suddenly, she collided with something hard. Trying not to fall, she grabbed onto it with at the same time arms came to hold her waist. She looked up and her eyes met a striking pair of blue eyes. Her body tingled all over, heat forming between her legs. Meredith's eyes shifted lower, gazing at his mouth. They were moving, as if he were saying something... 'Shit! He was saying something. What did he say? Oh my gosh!'

"Are you okay miss?" he said.

"Uh fine. Thanks" she stammered.

Meredith realized she was still grabbing onto the man's shirt as if it were a lifeline. Embarrassingly, she let go, her cheeks turning a bright color.

"Sorry about that... I wasn't paying attention" she said, eyes lowered.

"No it's my fault. I'm glad you're okay." And he smiled, the most electrifying smile she had ever encountered. Meredith smiled back dumbly, for no words could form in her mouth.

"Well uh... I'm Derek. Derek Sheppard. It's actually my time being in Seattle. I'm originally from New York, NYU. So uh, I'm trying to get use to the campus you know, so I'm not late tomorrow."

"I'll be happy to show you around. I'm Meredith Grey"

* * *

Monday morning had finally arrived. Meredith woke up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. Ahh, she missed Izzie's cooking.

"Morning" Meredith said, as she walked out of her room.

"Hey you! I had some pancakes made, but George ate them all" Izzie explained.

"No big, I have to go anyway. Literature first thing in the morning, so can't be late"

"Well I have no class until noon so I'll save some food for you in the fridge if you get back"

"Thanks Iz" Meredith grabbed her coffee mug and headed out the door.

Meredith walked to class meeting Christina on the way. She was talking about something about how Burke was a dumbass, but yet, still a man. They walked up the steps of the English building and Meredith remembered showing Derek here last night, a smile on her face.

"Meredith, your face is getting all grossly gooey, and you have an awkward smile on your face. Snap out of it" and they continued walking.

Meredith and Christina stepped into their literature class with a class size of eighteen, and seemed to be the last ones to arrive. They took their next to each other and waited for the professor.

"I bet he's old and has weird things growing out of his ears" Christina whispered, "all the English profs are like the walking dead..." Christina went silent, "or not"

Meredith turned, and her mind went blank. It was Derek, in full form, gorgeous.

"Hello. My name is Mr. Sheppard, and I will be your lit professor this term. So a little about myself, I majored Literature in Oxford, taught for three years at NYU, and now I'm here" He smiled. Meredith stopped breathing for what seemed like an eternity. He was her professor, and while she spent the whole night dreaming about him, he was now forbidden. She watched as his eyes scanned the class, his eyes lingered when their eyes met, and moved on.


	3. The Same Way

Months past, with sleepless nights for Meredith. She could not close her eyes without seeing his ocean blue eyes. Mesmerizing. Night after night, she told herself that if she were with someone else, he put would put out of her mind.

"You could at least oil the springboards Mer" Izzie told her one morning when she saw Meredith walk into the kitchen. "Who was it this time? I didn't even see him leave. Seriously. I guess I can call him Invisible guy"

"Finn from lit class" Meredith said nonchalantly.

"That doesn't sound great... how was he?"

"Seriously?.. I don't know"

"Well he got the job done right?"

Meredith looked down, pretending not to hear the question feeling Izzie's stare bore into her skull.

"Mer..."

"No Iz. He wasn't great"

"Seriously?!"

"Seriously." Meredith sighed and she walked out the door to class. Literature class, here I come.

She walked in and saw Sheppard sitting at the front, marking papers. Like he felt her presence, he looked up and stared. He didn't move, didn't talk, just stared. Meredith felt like her feet were stapled to the floor and her eyes glued to his face. They shared a moment that seemed like eternity.

"Meredith!" someone was calling her. Was it Mr Sheppard? No his lips were not moving. "Meredith!" the voice said again. Then she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Finn...hi"

"Didn't you hear me calling you?" His gray eyes met her, smiling.

"Uhh no sorry"

"It alright. Hey I wanted to talk to you about last night. Last night was great and I like you a lot. Really. I'm sorry I left this morning without saying goodbye. I didn't want it to seem awkward, you know. I'm sorry. I really would like to see you again..."

"Finn...you're rambling" Meredith laughed

"Sorry. I guess what I wanted to ask you was...if I could see you again tonight?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes... seriously"

"Um...sure"

"Great! I'll drop by the store after class and uh grab some...you know...condoms and stuff. I'll take you out for dinner..."

"Finn stop...you're rambling again"

"Sorry. I'll talk to you after class"

He walked off and sat at his desk. She turned around again and saw Mr Sheppard. His hands were clenched, and his face tight. She didn't know what happened to him in the two minutes she was talking to Finn, but obviously something was pissing Derek off.

Sheppard's lecture was shorter than usual, the whole time avoiding Meredith's gaze. He sat back down and instructed his class to do some reading. The whole time, never even glancing up from his papers.10am rolled around and the class was dismissed.

"Miss Grey. May I please speak to you before you leave please?" Derek said, still looking down at his documents.

Meredith waited until everyone left the class and began to walk over.

"Shut the door Miss Grey"

"Sure Mr Sheppard"

She shut the door and walked over to Mr. Sheppard's desk

"Miss Grey. I understand that you and Mr Finn are in a relationship?" Finn's name was spat out, like venom from his lips. "I do worry about your marks Miss Grey. You are one of my brightest students and I do not want her grades to drop because of this"

What that jealously she heard in his voice? Definitely. Meredith mentally smiled to herself. Derek was jealous of Finn! She decided to push his buttons.

"Don't worry Mr Sheppard. Finn and I don't are not in a relationship..." she began. She saw Derek's face lighten, eyes growing lighter. She continued, "what we have is purely sexual"

Derek's hand clenched, his knuckles turning white. He stood up and paced, his face filled with emotion. Immediately, Meredith regretted what she said, wishing that she could take it back.

Derek stopped and looked at her, eyes full of care. "Meredith" Her voice sounded like a prayer from his lips. "Don't you see? Can't you tell how much I care about you?"

Meredith's heart stopped, a gasp coming from her lips.

"For two months, I could see nothing but your face, you lips, the smell of your hair. Do you know how I felt when I heard what Finn said to you this morning? I couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe imagining the way he touched you, held you in his arms" He stopped to take a breath, realizing she was two inches away from him.

Meredith stood there shocked. She had to say something.

"I know what you mean" she began, "because I feel the exact same way"


	4. Interuptions

Derek stared at her, mounted to the ground, like he wasn't breathing, no emotion on his face, his eyes not telling a story. And still, he just stared. Had she said wrong? She had the tendency to do that a lot. 'God this is not good' Meredith thought 'You're standing two millimetres away from your freaking English professor and he's not saying anything. Derek probably wishes he took back what he said about now. Have the intelligence to step away...come on step away. And finally Meredith managed haul one of her legs backwards, still gawking at him. Right when she was about to set her foot down, Derek grabbed onto her arms and pulled her back in, lips crushing against hers.

The kiss was intense, passionate even. He took and took, biting, licking, nibbling, and nonetheless, Meredith gave, begging him to take more. She wanted this, craved it, for months now, thinking that he would never want her the way she wanted him. But here they were, in a lecture room wanting each other. Suddenly, Derek stopped, put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her gently away. Meredith was disappointed. It was an amazing kiss, the best kiss of her life.

"I'm sorry. I think..." Derek started to say, he was panting. She knew he was sexually frustrated, trying to do the right thing.

"Just don't think" And Meredith pressed her lips back into his. She heard him moan, which sent tingles down her spine.

They both heard the door knock and quickly jumping away, Meredith's face flushed.

"Meredith?" Oh shit, it was Finn. She had forgotten about him. But who couldn't when Derek was around? "Your face is all flushed! Are you okay? Were you crying?" Finn said glaring at Derek.

"Oh um no Finn, it's just I uhh, was nervous about the midterms and I get like this all the time when I'm nervous." Meredith replied. God, she was bad at lying.

"Okay. So I thought we could get going. You know...if you're done here. I went to the store so we could...go do things"

"Actually Mr. Finn, I was explaining something to Miss Grey. If you don't mind, we would like to finish our conversation" Derek said, clearly annoyed and irritated.

"Sorry Professor. Meredith I'll meet you downstairs" Finn walked back out, and closed the door.

Derek paced the room, then, finally sat on his desk. He seemed like he was going to say something many times, yet decided against it while Meredith stood there. Finally he spoke, "So after our kiss, you're going back to him." It was a statement, not a question, like he was sure of himself. "After this, you are going to leave my classroom and do god knows what with Finn"

"No..." Meredith began, but Derek cut her off

"You are going back him. Why? Does he kiss you like how we just kissed? Tell me! Because I really want to know why someone like you wants him"

She gazed at him. His eyes filled with emotion, reminding Meredith of the night when stars were smiling at her, the night she had first met him.

She smiled. "I am not going back to him..."

"Please Meredith... I care about you and I want you. Please don't go back to Finn. I can't stand the thought of him being anywhere near you...Wait, what did you say?"

"I'm not going to be with Finn. I'm going to tell him I'm just not interested."

Derek sighed with relief, grabbing Meredith's face and kissing her.

" I can't believe you are doing this for me." Derek laughed

"I'm doing it for myself. But now I have to go Mr. Sheppard. Have a good day!" Meredith said, prepared to walk away, leaving him wanting more and all.

"Meredith..." She turned to him. "Take this." It was a book of poems, pages yellow.

"What's this for?" she asked.

"You are a really bad liar even though Finn believes you. Just in case he asks you what took so long, he would think I was helping you on productive things, pardon the irony."

"Ahh. Smart and hot, Mr Sheppard. Thanks." And she left before he could say anymore. She and her teacher. How did this happen to her? Time for a therapy session with Christina!


	5. Need

"You what?!" Christina yelled. Her voice echoing throughout her apartment

"Kissed him Christina. Only a kiss. And announce it to the world while you're at it, why don't you"

"My apartment, my rules. He is our teacher. You and Professor McDreamy... what is the world coming to?"

"I like him... a lot"

"Well I like living, beating hearts a lot. You don't see me ripping one out of someone's chest and smashing it into my face"

"Come on Chris. This is why I am asking you what to do. I need your help. Seriously..." Meredith pleaded.

"End it before it starts. It's the best way. Can you imagine what would happen if people found out? Your reputation would be jeopardized, and his credibility would be tainted forever. Mer...If you care, you would do the right thing."

Meredith thought about it, taking Christina's words to heart. Finally, she answered "You're right. I have to end it, first thing tomorrow after class, I'll tell him nothing can happen. Thanks Christina!" She hugged her best friend hard.

"Ew, Meredith. I don't do hugs...back up. And you're welcome"

* * *

Meredith waited, for what seemed like an eternity for class to finish. The clock hit 11:00 but still students were still debating the effects of literary criticism. Meredith gave Derek a look. The kind of look that said 'I _need _to talk to you'.

"Okay. How about we continue this tomorrow guys?" Derek said.

The class got up and began to leave. Finn walked over to Meredith and grazed her shoulders. "I missed you," he whispered into her ear. "God I want you so bad". 'SHIT!' Meredith thought, she had totally forgot to break it off with Finn last night. She could feel Derek burning a hole into her back, and she knew if she turned around, Derek's blue eyes would be a burning red.

"Finn...Please let go of me. We need to talk" Meredith started, but Finn silenced with a kiss. She tried to push away but wasn't strong enough. Suddenly, with great force, she felt Finn being yanked away from her, stumbling face first into the wall.

"Mr. Dandridge!" Derek's voice boomed, "I am one hundred percent sure I heard Miss Grey tell you to let her go so respect her wishes"

Finn just stood there, stupidly, but with anger in his eyes.

"You may leave _now_!" Derek yelled, holding on to Meredith.

"You had no right to throw me into a wall! I can sue you for this!" Finn exclaimed, rubbing his face.

"I can do that if you are sexually harassing another student. So leave now before I call security and have you expelled from your studies"

"This isn't over Sheppard. Meredith, tell him we're together. Tell him I wasn't harassing you"

This set Derek over the edge, hearing Meredith and Finn in the same sentence. Because inside Derek knew what he wanted, who he wanted. And that was Meredith. Deep down in his heart, he knew Meredith belonged to him, that he might as well engrave it into his skull.

Derek began to walk over to Finn, but he felt tiny but strong hands pull him back. "Finn just go. I'll talk to you later" Meredith said. "I'll meet you at the student centre at 3". And with that, Finn turned around and stomped out, slamming the door on the way.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked concerned.

"I'm fine. You were just making a big deal out of nothing! He was NOT harassing me, and I could've dealt with that myself. You had NO right to throw him into the wall like that!"

"Meredith! I was trying to protect you!"

"Why? Because I'm weak? I'm a woman?"

"No! Because I care about you! Because I lo..like you!"

Derek had almost said the three words. He came way too close. It had only been three months since they've met, and he didn't want to scare her off.

"Derek..." She had to break it off. 'Be strong Meredith. Be strong' she told herself. She looked up and Derek's eyes had changed into a darker color, full of need. Her 'break it off' plan immediately flew out the window.

"Meredith..."

"Derek I need you" a sudden passion rushed over her body.

"Tonight. Promise you'll come see me tonight! Please...Meredith"

That was a question he didn't need to ask.

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A/N: Thank you for the reviews and I hope you continue to do so. MerDer = 3

anyway. so the next chapter is where it the rating is changed to 'M' so enjoy (:


	6. The Night Has Come

The night had finally come, after what seemed like hours of waiting. Meredith walked up to where Derek had scribbled his address. She had never expected a spectacular condo with fountains and valets, so much, that she thought it was the Four Seasons. The doorman opened the door and she thanked him. Meredith continued her way down a marble hallway to the securities desk. Derek had never mentioned what floor he lived on, and she, too in a hurry to rush to the mall to buy the perfect set of lingerie, never asked.

"Hi. I'm visiting Derek Sheppard. I was wondering if you could tell me what floor he's on"

"And your name Miss?"

"Meredith Grey"

The security guy, whose nametag said Jim, picked up the phone and punched in some numbers.

"Mr. Sheppard? Yes, this is Jim" Okay so it is Jim "There is a Miss Grey here to see you... Okay. Yes, my wife is good. We're all doing wonderfully yes. Martha does send her love. She wanted to invite you to dinner..." Meredith was impatient. She was hot and heavy for Derek, and yet he was having a conversation with Jim when they could be having hot sex. Finally, the phone was put back into the receiver.

"Miss Grey, sorry to keep you waiting. Mr. Sheppard is in the Penthouse suite...You can go on up"

Meredith thanked Jim and practically ran to the elevators. Luckily, right after pushing the button, the doors opened. She walked in, feeling queasy. She was nervous naturally. Slowly, she pushed the 'PH' button and waited. The elevator ride felt slow and agonizing. She had run everything through her mind earlier that day. Meredith had decided that after the sex with Derek, it would rid her sexual frustration towards him, and everything would go back to being a teacher-student relationship, which they never were, but she knew that. At last, the elevator bell 'dinged' and the doors opened. Only one excessively large door was in the hallway. She knocked on it, once again feeling the nervousness. The door opened, and she saw Derek, with his 'McDreamy' smile. Oh, the night of her life was about to begin.

"Hi" Derek said as he pulled her in for a long searing kiss. When they both ran out of breath, Meredith spoke.

"Hey" She looked around the room. It was extravagant. To begin with, Derek's suite was huge and beautifully decorated from what she could see. The space was dark and she finally realized the room was lit with candles, and soft music was playing. "Your home is beautiful!"

"Thank you! You look beautiful" he gave her a soft peck on her cheek."I've imagined this night since I had met you and I want it to be perfect" And he kissed her lips again.

Her heart did a flip. 'No! This cannot happen' she told herself. Meredith broke the kiss and her body ached for him. "So... I guess teaching pays a lot" she said breaking the mood.

"Well, no not really" he replied, "I'll tell you a secret if you promise not to tell anyone"

Meredith just nodded.

"I actually wrote a few books under another name"

"What kind of books?"

"Romance"

Meredith was not expecting that. She had assumed he would say action or mystery.

"Okay. So what's your secret name? Derek Shane?" Meredith had read many of Derek Shane's' novels. A couple had been made into movies, and her favourite was 'Under the twilight'. Rumour had it, that Derek Shane' was going to be the new Nicholas Sparks.

"Actually yes."

Meredith coughed a loud choking sound. Derek Sheppard is Derek Shane', her favourite writer? Something she could not have ever guessed. Deciding to not make a fool of herself anymore, she decided to tell Derek her plan about their one night affair.

"Derek, listen. I've been thinking and after tonight... this can't happen anymore" she explained, hand gesturing.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you mean? You don't think we'd be good together?"

"I think... I don't know. But this is wrong. It's forbidden and I believe it's just sexual frustration we have for each other. It's not going to be anything more and we both know it. And even _if_ I wanted something more, you wouldn't so there's no point"

Immediately, Derek put his finger on her lips and silenced her. "Meredith...I like you a lot and I know it's soon but I want this. I think you do as well."

And with that, their lips touched, kissing, slow, but passionate, tantalizing and sweet. Derek softly put his arms around Meredith, embracing her, never breaking their kiss. He lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Meredith could feel his hard length teasing her as Derek walked up the stairs quickly. She felt her back fall upon something soft, a mattress. The kiss was broken and they looked upon each other, gazing. Meredith felt her heart skip a beat because of the way Derek looked at her, almost lovingly. Ever so slowly, Derek reached for her and stroked her cheek, feeling her smooth skin, then to her neck. He left soft kisses everywhere his hands touched. When he reached her shoulders, she paused his hand movements and leaned his lips close to her ears, "Let me make love to you Meredith" he whispered. Meredith kissed him hard, answering 'yes' to him with her body. She lifted his sweater off of him and kissed, ever so gently, down his upper body.

"Let me" Derek murmured. He stripped away her shirt, and stared, making Meredith feel self conscious. She wanted so bad to put her shirt back on. Derek realized, and assured her that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon. Then he wrapped his lips around her breast. Meredith cried out in pleasure as Derek kissed, and sucked, and touched, his hands playing with her core. Meredith found herself clinging on to him, unable to let go. When he was done with both, she pushed him off her and straddled him. Meredith quickly worked on Derek's pants and shucked them off, realizing he wasn't wearing any briefs. His hard length glistened in the light, magnificent, and huge. She found herself wanting to put her lips on him. But Derek pulled her back to his face. "Meredith, please don't. I won't be able to last if you do that. I want this to be special, and not embarrass myself by finishing right when your lips touch me" he joked. Instead of feeling disappointment, Meredith felt a sudden wave of emotion hit her. That Derek was a person who would put her before himself. She smiled at him, "Please Derek. I need you!"

With those three words, Derek flipped her back onto the mattress. He reached over to his nightstand and ripped open a condom. He stopped suddenly, and looked at her, a look in his eyes. "I just want you to know that this never happens. A student and me, I mean. It's just that you...you are so perfect, and I care about you, and I'm constantly thinking about you. I want you to know that you mean too much to me to not tell you that."

Meredith looked up at him, took the condom out of his hands and smiled, "I trust you Derek". And with that she took him in her soft hands and slid the condom on him. "Now please, make love to me"

* * *

A/N: hey all please review! I would love some critique/ things you like etc. THANKS!


	7. Amazing Night and a Cold Shower

AN: Sorry it's taking so long for me to write. School has been...well crazy. This is a short chapter but i will try my best to update asap. thanks! (:

* * *

Derek's lips crushed into hers hard. A wave of intensified passion spread through them. "Derek...hurry please". And he slid into her. Slowly, torturously. Meredith gasped at the sensation. She was no virgin, but with Derek, everything felt brand new. Meredith clung to him, like he was dear life, and Derek's lips found their way back to hers. Derek went slow, being as gentle as he could. Teeth clenched, he slid in a little more, and continued when he heard Meredith's sigh of approval. Derek wanted to take her hard and his strength was wavering. Meredith stared at him as he gently thrust into her.

"Derek... please harder" Meredith pleaded.

His jaw hardened, "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you"

"You won't"

Derek grabbed her hands and put them over her head "Hold on to the headboard" And he thrust hard and fast as Meredith moaned. He could feel her walls clenching, and he couldn't hold out any longer. Derek came, panting heavily as he collapsed on top of her, smelling her hair.

"Wow" Meredith sighed. "That was...Amazing"

"Yeah" Derek chuckled. He looked down upon her and smiled, not believing who he was holding in his arms.

"Stay the night Mer?" he murmured into her neck, but she didn't answer. He looked up once again to see her fast asleep. Derek rolled off the bed and disposed of the condom then got ready to take a shower. Flashbacks of what had just happened burst through his mind, and he could feel himself hard again. Time for a cold shower.


End file.
